Men aren’t that complicated, really—they want what they want, and they’re usually pretty blatant about it. No finesse, no games—just desire wrapped in clumsy enthusiasm. Almost like a golden retriever getting all giddy about his favorite meal.
You see it in a guy who’s been single too long, who makes his interest blindingly clear, and thinks effort equals results. But we’re not really waiting for some obvious Romeo now, are we? A heavy-handed approach, especially in the beginning, often reeks of desperation, and in a world where “intense” and “creepy” have become synonyms, confidence is less about what you do and more about how you read the room.
See, every woman is taught to crave more than a man in front of her with his heart on his sleeve. We’re fed this story from birth, a carefully scripted tale with fantasy baked right in. We’re sold the idea of someone who just gets it—a man with a white-knuckle grip on mystery and that elusive thing called “rizz.” He’ll know the right things to say, the right way to make you feel special, while not revealing too much too soon. And all too often, he’ll be the least interested in staying for the ending.
So why do you keep falling for these men?
Because they know how to keep you second-guessing. They build just enough tension and release to keep you on edge, keep you craving more, even when the substance is thin. They don’t need chiseled features or degrees in psychology—they just need the finesse to keep you searching for clues.
And you end up doing the work for them. You’ll start filling in the blanks with the best-case scenario because that’s easier than facing the truth. He’s hot and cold? Well, maybe he’s been hurt before. He seems distant? Maybe he just needs time to open up. And so you hang on, turning his lack of clarity into your project, because God forbid you accept that the story he’s spinning was never meant to go anywhere.
The thing is, most of the time it’s not even intentional on their side. And I don’t think it’s healthy to make them out to be the bad guys – their only fault is leaving room for interpretation. And us women love mental gymnastics, so we’re eager to fill the void with all the stories about love and sacrifice we’ve been eating up since we were little girls.
The little girl within longs for proof of love from the boy she’s been sacrificing herself for, because that’s the only way she’ll ever think of herself as worth loving. Giving up on him will only reinforce how unloveable she truly thinks she is. So she waits for him, she caters to him, she thinks…
Oh, there’s a chance he’ll change his mind!
And sure, there is—sometimes it happens. Look at Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher. They started out as friends with benefits. He went on a date with someone else, and Mila was crushed. When she confronted him, he basically said, “It was never more than sex for me,” and Mila walked away, heartbroken. But two months later, Ashton starts missing her, realizes he’s actually in love, and there’s your classic rom-com ending.
I’ve seen this play out in real life too—a friend of mine waited around for this guy for two whole years while we all hammered it into her head that he wasn’t worth it. The guy kept stringing her along until he was put in the position to potentially lose her for good. Just like Ashton, he came to his senses, and now they’re happily dating, probably getting married soon.
But you’d be doing a huge disservice to yourself to try and find a guarantee in these examples. Are you even willing to put him in a position to lose you in the first place? Most of the time, the answer is a hard no. You’re too scared that if you step away, you’ll lose your shot altogether. You cling to this sliver of hope that if you stay long enough, show enough patience, and prove how much you care, he’ll have his revelation.
You’re not dumb. You see the red flags, and you rationalize them away because facing reality means admitting you bet on the wrong horse. But what’s admitting to making a small mistake, compared to consciously choosing to break your own heart by holding onto someone who’s inconsistent? Waiting for someone to “wake up” and suddenly realize you’re the one is a form of self-betrayal. And it hurts like hell.
You shouldn’t be walking away to teach him a lesson or to show him your worth. Or, fine, you can make it about that. Men love in absence – you suddenly turning away from him is bound to make him feel at least a little bit out of place. But once time has passed and you’ll be free of the shackles of your own fantasies, you’ll see that it was all about you. About reclaiming the time and emotional energy you’ve bled out while clinging to the ghost of a relationship that never existed.
Because let’s get one thing straight: the man who’s stringing you along doesn’t care that he’s wasting your time. And if you’re waiting for some cinematic moment where he looks at you and says, “I can’t live without you,” then congratulations—you’ve bought into the rom-com lie that keeps so many women stuck.
Real love is built on consistent effort and the willingness to show up in the unglamorous moments. If he’s not willing to give that to you, he’s not a mysterious hero waiting for the right moment—he’s just a distraction.
A distraction from your own fear, actually. Fear of what comes next, fear of being alone, fear of admitting you wasted months or years on someone who was never serious about you. I get it. It’s easy to put yourself down for it, to feel like a fool. Allow me to turn things around for you: you are not a fool for hoping. You’re beautifully human. You’re only a fool once you actively choose to fool yourself.
You aren’t weak for believing,
you’re just human—
but you are stronger for knowing when to leave,
for turning the page without needing a happy ending.
This ain’t defeat, it’s freedom,
a way to confirm that your love isn’t dependent
on who sees it or who stays.It’s about choosing yourself first,
not to prove a point or play a game…
BUT BECAUSE LOVING YOURSELF IS THE ONLY
REAL THING
IN A WORLD FULL OF MAYBES.
