Women today enjoy unprecedented freedom, yet many are deeply dissatisfied. The promise of independence and success within the capitalist hierarchy, though attractively packaged, conceals a harsher truth. While women have reclaimed power and rights denied for centuries, they are increasingly disconnected from their authentic selves. Burdened by the weight of their ancestors’ struggles, women have become revolutionary, competitive spirits. In their relentless pursuit of recognition and success, they have unknowingly distanced themselves from what makes them uniquely feminine: the nurturing energy, the creative tenderness, and the unconditional love gifted by Mother Earth—qualities now confined by rigid societal limits.
This reality is reflected starkly in American society, particularly in its capitalist epicenter. Men are increasingly seeking “traditional” women abroad—traveling to Eastern Europe and Asia—claiming that American women have become unyielding, cold, and unapproachable. Such comments cut deep, striking a familiar chord of pain. They echo the same sentiments as remarks like, “A woman could never be president,” or “A woman can’t be a good driver or an exceptional scientist.” Despite differences in wording, these statements carry a singular message to women: “You’re inferior.”
It’s difficult not to feel out of place in a world not built for you. Surrounded by idols and role models that contradict your nature, life becomes a singular pursuit: to fit in, to gain acceptance and respect. You strive to climb, assert yourself, and reclaim the power that was stripped away for so long—often at the cost of your own happiness. In proving equality to the men who dominate, women lose sight of themselves.
We Just Want Representation
The root of this problem lies in the absence of healthy representations of femininity across society, history, mythology, and religion. How can women feel safe embracing their true selves when the idols revered around them reject everything feminine? Society rewards competition, action, stoicism, and reason—the very essence of masculinity—while sidelining the nurturing and intuitive qualities intrinsic to femininity.
A similar struggle can be seen among marginalized groups. The push for inclusion—such as the increasing presence of Black or LGBT+ characters in films—reflects a universal need: to see oneself represented and accepted in the collective consciousness. Remember the reactions to Halle Bailey being cast as Ariel in The Little Mermaid?
When we turn to religion and mythology, women’s stories are few—and those that exist are often crafted through the perspectives of men. What does this mean for the feminine spirit seeking role models to emulate?
It means women are left to look up either to men or to idealized women filtered through masculine narratives. Consider the Virgin Mary: celebrated for purity, innocence, and maternal spirit. While admirable, she represents only one fragment of femininity—the part deemed “desirable” over centuries. Other essential aspects of femininity were reduced and discarded, distorted into the crude archetype of the “whore.”
Jung’s Animus and Early Conditioning
Psychologist Carl Jung described two energies within every person: the natural spirit of their biological sex (masculine or feminine) and the subconscious energy of the opposite sex—Animus for women and Anima for men. For women, Animus began as a subconscious adaptation to patriarchy but has now grown into a dominant part of their identity.
And it all begins in childhood.
A girl is born into a man’s world. From an early age, she is praised for bravery, strength, and determination, while gentleness and sensitivity are mocked. I remember pretending blue was my favorite color as a child because pink was “for girls”—and not in a good way. It is during these formative years that the separation from femininity begins.
The Mother-Daughter Rift
The woman begins to unearth masculine qualities within herself and makes them part of her personality. It is not a pleasant process, nor is it a change that comes naturally. She crushes her true identity, and from the remaining shards, she embraces the one who reflects back the desired image. Her masculine side, Animus, is the only part of her being that aligns with the idols of the society she inhabits.
The next step is seeking validation. As a child, she turns to her parents. Yet, often, her mother cannot support her, and the rift between them confirms the perceived “uselessness” of femininity. Whether she allies with her father to belittle her mother’s traits or feels rejected by a hardened mother, the girl unconsciously begins to view her mother as a rival.
The Modern Woman’s Rise to Independence
The girl grows up and recites the lesson she has learned by heart from those around her: to become an independent and successful woman. She climbs the hierarchical ladder of capitalism, studies hard, works tirelessly. She faces various obstacles and rejections, constantly reminded that she is inferior—fuel to the fire. Animus flourishes and takes over. You can see it shining in the eyes of any young woman under 30 today: the determination with which she defends her rights, the ambition driving her to work and study hard, the fear or aggression toward men…
And she achieves the much-desired success. But at the cost of her inner peace.
What happens when everything you believed would make you happy leaves you feeling empty? Women’s dissatisfaction takes many forms: the career-driven woman who feels deeply alone, or the “Wonderwoman” juggling family, work, and endless responsibilities. She becomes restless, unable to pause, to simply be. The woman who defies her nature for too long eventually faces exhaustion, depression, and breakdown.
The Search for the Lost Self
Exhaustion, depression, and apathy inevitably set in. When nothing you worked so hard for fulfills you, the search for deeper meaning begins.
It’s a painful realization: you’ve spent your life wearing a mask, chasing admiration and approval while neglecting your true self. I remember witnessing a woman in her 30s confront her Animus. Dressed perpetually in jeans and T-shirts, surrounded by male friends, she was rational, cold, and strong. Yet beneath that armor was a sad little girl who just wanted to be heard. When her ego finally cracked, all she could say—disoriented and tearful—was, “I don’t know who I am anymore.”
Rediscovering Femininity
Where does the search for your lost self begin?
If Animus has grown by feeding on the external world and everything it offers, femininity is rediscovered by turning inward, delving into one’s depths. This marks the beginning of a long and not necessarily pleasant journey, but a necessary one. It’s challenging to reconnect with femininity when you’re not even sure what it looks like. The woman turns inward, seeking solitude. The change is too abrupt—all the allies Animus gathered and trained throughout her life now strike back at the newly emerging woman. She faces harsh judgments for the changes she’s undergoing.
Beyond the pain and suffering, an unstoppable desire emerges to reconnect with her feminine side. Then comes the desire to heal the mother-daughter rift. Because when a woman rejects her mother, regardless of how she was, she is actually rejecting a part of herself. Forgiveness and acceptance toward the mother bring to light the repressed parts of the woman’s soul. Slowly, peace and wholeness begin to return.
Yet, Animus must not be demonized. It is part of who you are—a mechanism that gave you strength and helped you navigate a harsh world. Animus fuels ambition, creativity, and resilience. Women need it as much as they need their femininity.
The goal is not to destroy Animus but to understand its place. It must learn when to step back and let your true, feminine self shine. Being yourself—being feminine—is not weakness. It’s not inferiority. Over time, Animus softens, emerging only when necessary as a protector and ally.
I know it’s not easy.
It’s difficult not to take it personally when some men belittle you for everything you represent. But if you, as a woman, have never had the chance to understand what femininity truly means, how many men do you think have understood it? Far too few. They, too, consumed by their egos and misled by the patriarchy, belittle others to feel accepted and validated themselves.
It’s not about determining who was first—the chicken or the egg. It’s not about finding a scapegoat. It’s about understanding each other, realizing that we are disconnected from our authentic selves. And the change you seek will always blossom when you set aside pride and take the first step toward it.
I challenge you to think about the last time you felt attacked, your ego wounded by the words of a man. Can you observe your Animus? How did it react? The next time it awakens, pay attention to it. I assure you that you will learn to see things from a different perspective.
